


potted hearts (breathe)

by moondvste



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Florist!San, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Univeristy Student!Seonghwa, implied suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23284786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moondvste/pseuds/moondvste
Summary: Each time Seonghwa looks at the little succulent next to the window, he reminds himself that he promised San to take good care of it. And that means he has to stay.Because otherwise, who else would keep it alive?
Relationships: Choi San/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 5
Kudos: 118





	potted hearts (breathe)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pagorek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pagorek/gifts).



Seonghwa sighs as he sits on the bed after placing the last heavy box on the floor. He looks around the room and suddenly feels overwhelmed with the amount of work that has to be done before he can start functioning normally. 

Which one should he unpack first? Should he do it right away or rest for a while? After all his back did hurt a little from all the carrying. But the sooner it’s done the better, right? He’s not even sure what items are in which box, labels not being much of a help.

He stands up and goes to the kitchen, takes a bottle of water, drinks a few sips and closes his eyes after putting the bottle away. Then he takes a deep breath, counts to ten and releases the air slowly. 

It’s okay, he can do that.

The whole unpacking process takes him much longer than it probably should, but at least it goes smoothly. No things slipping from his grip, no time wasted on trying to calm down, no sudden urges to change the whole set up after he’s almost done. Just a few nervous moving items right and left, back and forth so that it’s in the best spot it could be.

Once he’s done he goes back to the kitchen and prepares some green tea. As he waits for the water to start boiling, hands on the cup, his mind rushes again.

Should he invite some neighbours for a tea? Would they find it weird if he did? He’s not entirely sure he wants to do that. But what if one day he’d need help and there’s no one around who he would be able to ask for it? What if no one even knows he’s living here now?

His train of thoughts is stopped by the sound of someone knocking softly on the door. Seonghwa looks at it and gulps. It seems like someone wanted to forestall his decision. Maybe it was for the better. He deals with already ongoing situations better than with making decisions and taking action.

The knocking fills the apartment again, this time a little bit more firm, and Seonghwa gathers all of the courage to go and open up the door.

“Oh, hi!”

There in front of him stands a boy with the brightest smile he's ever seen, dimples in his cheeks only emphasizing the happiness painted on his face. He’s a bit shorter than Seonghwa and also thinner, but his presence seems so much bigger, outshining the surrounding completely. There’s a bleached, white strand in his hair that stands out among the dark color of the rest. His eyes are sharp, but somehow give off a very soft, calming look. The longer Seonghwa stares the more he notices that the other’s features are rather sharp and intense, so different from the energy he’s radiating.

“I saw someone carrying boxes this morning and I thought it probably means that this someone is moving in. And I thought that I might stop by and say hello.” His voice is soft and smooth, some may say that far too delicate for a boy, but Seonghwa decides that he likes it. It makes the excitement and talkativeness seem less scary than it usually is.

Seonghwa was about to respond, but the boy started talking again. “I also brought a small gift. It seems like you live alone, so maybe this little guy will keep you company!” he said showing a little succulent in a small baby pink pot placed on both of his palms, now facing Seonghwa as the boy has lifted them to give him a better view.

-

There’s a small table in the room, on top of it a pot with green tea, small jars with honey, jams and a plate with biscuits along with two cups. The little succulent already placed next to the window by San, as he introduced himself, who turned to Seonghwa with a smile and told him that it needs a lot of sun.

The boy is walking around the place, taking in everything surrounding them and sometimes asking about some items, which gives Seonghwa some time to properly look at him. Now he notices that San’s arms are covered in tattoos, not anything extreme though, just little linearts here and there. 

One of them is [ a cat with a few flowers around it ](https://www.instagram.com/p/B0MIg8lAMql/?igshid=1p0zss4akp4ju) on the back of his arm, just above the elbow. In the same spot, but on the other arm he has [ a human heart with flowers growing out of it ](https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/635289091172171974/) and a scar covered with a bandage. Seonghwa wondered what was the meaning behind it.

Most of them are on his forearms. A monstera’s leaf, [ two hands reaching towards each other ](https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/635289091172171676/) (Seonghwa then realized it’s from the famous painting ‘The Creation of Adam’), [ cancer constellation ](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/d8/ca/77/d8ca776879b9abaa98e753da6e77aaae.jpg) and a circled lineart of [ ‘The Great Wave off Kanagawa’ ](https://imgur.com/CKWuvkC?r).

Those were the ones that have drawn Seonghwa’s attention, but of course not all of them. But before he could take a better look at the others San turns back to him, grabbing all of his attention.

‘I like it here’ he states simply and goes to sit in front of Seonghwa. He adds a whole teaspoon of honey to his tea, trying his best not to let any drop fall.

San is a very careful person, Seonghwa notices. He’s also really gentle and calm, which gives the other some sense of comfort. It was something Seonghwa needed after the whole day filled with stress and anxiety.

‘So’ once again San is the one to start the talk and Seonghwa feels guilty. ‘What do you do?’ he asks, his eyes filled with genuine curiosity.

‘I’m a student. An architecture major.’ Seonghwa replies but soon realizes he should probably say something more. It’s silent for a few seconds and he can feel his cheeks getting hot. Embarrassing. ‘Still two years to go, but I transferred here, because-’ he stopped and looked at San who was listening attentively. ‘Because I needed a change of the environment.’

The other nods slightly and smiles, as if he’s trying to comfort Seonghwa. ‘That’s understandable’ he says. ‘Hope you’ll feel better here. I took quite a liking to this city myself, it’s not as noisy and grey as others.’

That is the exact reason Seonghwa choose it in the first place. Big cities are too much for him. He hopes he can live peacefully here, as peaceful as his life can be.

‘What about you?’ asks Seonghwa, looking at the other through his a-little-bit-too-long bangs.

‘Well’ San chuckles and his dimples are out again. ‘I didn’t go to university, never wanted to. Right after high school I attended floristry courses and after struggling for a little bit I opened my very own small flower shop.’ His eyes sparkle cutely as he continues to talk about his shop and all the plants, flowers and pots. 

Seonghwa doesn’t have the heart to interrupt him. It’s nice to listen to him. He doesn’t even notice when the corners of his lips rise slightly, forming a smile.

Suddenly the voice goes silent and Seonghwa looks up from his cup he’s been filling with another portion of tea.

‘Oh my god’ San says, one hand covering his mouth. ‘I must have bored you… Sorry’ he laughs. 

Seonghwa is a little bit surprised, people usually feel embarrassed in situations like that, but San… San was purely amused at his own self getting so into the talk it became his monologue.

‘No, no. It was actually really interesting. I wouldn’t mind listening about it some more’ Seonghwa says, but doesn’t look at his guest, because admitting it is far from his comfort zone.

If it were someone else he would have never done it, but for some reason he really wanted San to know he enjoyed his little lecture.

‘Then maybe visit my shop when you have some time to spare?’ the boy says and finishes his already cold tea, before standing up. ‘It’ll be more fun if I can show you the plants.’

‘Y-yeah, I’ll make sure to.’ Seonghwa felt a bit overwhelmed with the fact that this newly met person was not even hinting that he wanted to meet again, but actually inviting him.

‘Great! Please, give me your number then, I’ll text you the address.’

-

A soft sound of the bell hung above the door fills the shop as Seonghwa slowly makes his way inside. The air here is warm and humid, a little heavy. Green is definitely dominating the surrounding, but various colors of flowers blend beautifully in between the leaves. 

Among all the plants a small figure of a boy trying to settle carnations nicely in a vase seems to fit just perfectly. A white button-up made from a soft, flowy material and light jeans match with a black apron that’s wrapped around his body. Rolled-up sleeves expose tattoos on his forearms. They seem to somehow complement the whole scene in front of Seonghwa who doesn’t dare to interrupt the moment.

San hums a melody under his breath, too lost in arranging flowers on the table to hear the bell and Seonghwa chuckles quietly.

That draws florist’s attention. He turns around to greet the client, but when his eyes settle on Seonghwa he breaks into a huge smile.

‘I was starting to think you’d never come, you know.’

Well, maybe Seonghwa did postpone his visit a bit. But don’t think he didn’t want to come. No, that’s definitely not the reason. He was just… Not really in the best condition lately, therefore it seemed like a good idea to wait.

‘Sorry, got caught up with the university.’ It wasn’t a lie, not at all. His studies were actually behind all the times he felt uneasy.

San nods and goes behind the counter to cut a whole arm length of a ribbon. ‘I hope I’m not taking away your precious time then’ he says, looking at Seonghwa a little concerned.

‘No, not at all.’

San lets out a relieved sigh and smiles again. ‘Great, because I have a lot of things to show you.’ 

And if Seonghwa were to be honest, he wouldn't mind San taking away his time nevertheless.

-

That day Seonghwa came back home with San and another plant, because he really liked that small monstera, still too young to have holes in its’ leaves. San chose the best spot for it again and wrote instructions on how to take care of it on a yellow sticky note which he put on the pot. Just to make sure Seonghwa won’t forget to sprinkle the leaves with water every two days.

Having plants to care about makes Seonghwa feel more settled, he even grew attached to them at some point. Sometimes he talks to them because, according to San, it’s good to do so and it helps Seonghwa.

When he feels like everything is too much, he looks at his two ‘roommates’ and thinks that they only have him, no one else, and he can’t just leave them like that. Besides, he promised San that he’ll be a good plant dad.

Maybe it is weird that at his breaking points he worries about some plants. 

But it’s better this way.

-

A few months were enough for them both to build something people would call friendship. San coming for a tea became frequent, Seonghwa visiting San’s shop on the way home has been happening more often than not. There were moments when they talked about whatever, Seonghwa even talked more at this point, or just stayed in silence, minding their own business.

A year was what it took for Seonghwa to realize he finally had someone to live for.

-

‘Hey, Seonghwa.’

‘Hm?’ he looks up to see San focused on the pencil in his hand and blushes slightly. Has San been watching him work this whole time?

‘You’re an architect major, but-’ The boy's brows furrowed a little. ‘You draw more than just buildings and their plans, right?’

Seonghwa blinks a few times taken aback by the question. Of course he can draw much more than buildings, but he’s insecure about his skills, and therefore no one has ever seen his drawings.

But he can share that fact with San, right? There’s no reason not to. San has been nothing but supportive this whole time.

‘Y-Yes.’ he says quietly.

San nods slightly and looks up too, their eyes meeting. Their faces are close, much closer than ever before thanks to the fact that San leans on the other side of the table. Seonghwa gets nervous but does nothing.

‘Can I ask you for something then? It’s… quite important to me.’

_Oh._

Seonghwa doesn’t like where this is going. But it’s important for San and the last thing he’d want to do is to disappoint him.

He gulps nervously.

‘I just-’ San looks down at Seonghwa’s hand holding the pencil again. ‘Thought about getting another tattoo, you know?’

Seonghwa can feel a knot tying itself in his stomach. San’s hand slowly makes its way towards Seonghwa’s and he’s observing it attentively.

‘And I want it to be something yours’ San says and Seonghwa looks up, but the other is still not looking at him. Suddenly he can feel the warmth on top of his hand and the knot in his stomach does a flip.

-

Seonghwa is waiting for San in front of his flower shop. They're supposed to meet with San's friend who ownes a tattoo studio, so he can get another one on his skin.

It didn’t take Seonghwa long to get it done. He wanted it to fit the ones his friend already had, be meaningful and not eye-catching. It was a simple one, Seonghwa even wondered if San won’t be disappointed and spent a good hour staring at the little drawing. But he convinced his panicking mind that San is not that kind of person.

San refused to see the drawing, he said he wants it to be a surprise and not know what it is until it’s on his skin. _He’s insane,_ Seonghwa thought, but all it took for him to agree were the dimples in San’s cheeks.

That’s why he had to come with San.

That, and maybe the mere fact that San just wanted them to spend some time together.

So once the younger steps out of the shop and locks the door, they’re ready to go. Now that San is next to him, the piece of paper in his bag seems to be screaming at Seonghwa to just throw it away to the nearest trash can and run away.

But no, Seonghwa promised. And Seonghwa wants it to happen.

So he just gets into small talk.

-

‘So this is the boy you’ve been talking about?’ the person sitting in a black leather spinning chair asks with a sly smile.

Hongjoong is the epitome of intimidating. His hair is deep, dark blue with bangs above his brows and two little braids at each side of his neck. One of the brows has a slitted ‘X’ and he has a lot of dangly earrings. His makeup is done nicely and the outfit seems to be well thought before being worn.

He’s stressing Seonghwa out a bit, but he reminds himself that if it’s San’s friend, then everything is going to be okay.

‘Yes! Isn’t he cute?’ San says smiling as brightly as the sun and Seonghwa gets flustered, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the tattoo artist.

‘Lovely even.’

San reminds absolutely oblivious to what is happening with his friend's heart, but maybe that’s good. Seonghwa’s not sure if he’d like him to know.

‘Okay, pretty boy. What are we getting on you today?’ Hongjoong asks San while putting on black latex gloves.

‘I have no idea.’ A chuckle fills the room, but before any question can be thrown at him, San continues. ‘Seonghwa drew something for me and I’ll see it once you’re done.’

Hongjoong looked at Seonghwa and raised an eyebrow, before turning back to his tools with a smirk.

‘I see.’

-

‘I love it!’ Seonghwa swears San squealed it instead of saying. ‘It’s so cute, I love it so much!’

-

Seonghwa stands in front of San’s door in nothing but some worn-out t-shirt and pajama shorts, trembling as he tries to calm down. His arms are wrapped tightly around his body, nails painfully digging into the skin. His feet are getting cold as he stands barefoot on the corridor's floor.

After what feels like an eternity to him, but probably is just a few seconds in reality, he reaches out to the door again. But before he can knock the door opens and reveals a sleepy, a bit confused San.

‘Seonghwa? What’s go-’

‘San, I can’t stop thinking about it.'

The boy in front of him looks so broken, San can't believe his own eyes. He has never expected to see Seonghwa like that. The shy Seonghwa who doesn't talk much, but when he does, his voice is soft and melodic. The Seonghwa who's so polite and gentle to everyone and everything around him. The Seonghwa who always wears a small, almost unnoticable smile on his face. The Seonghwa whose eyes shine so brightly.  
  
Now the eyes are empty, the smile is gone and his voice is rough as he chokes the words out.

San wants to say something, but the suddenness of the situation has got him by surprise, making him frozen and unable to either speak or even think.  
  
'It won’t go away- I don’t want it, but I can’t stop it and it only gets louder when I try to think about something else. I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do, I just can’t stop thinking about it-’

Tears are streaming down Seonghwa’s cheeks, he’s talking fast and it seems like he can’t breathe. His whole body is shaking.

‘Please, make it go away…’ he says quietly, dropping his head down. He looks so vulnerable, so delicate.

San finally reaches for his hand and takes it gently into his own, eyes focused on the boy in front of him, observing his reactions.

‘Come on, Seonghwa. Let’s go inside, okay?’ he asks, carefully tugging on the other’s hand to make him move. 

The older nods and sniffles, his hand tightening on San’s as if he’s scared he’d slip away from him.

Once the door is closed, San leads him to sit down on the bed and watches him curl himself up in a ball, still holding his hand tightly. Then, San slowly sits next to him and wraps himself around his shaking body, Seonghwa letting him do so and leaning on San’s chest.

‘I don’t want it’ a broken voice cuts through the silence and San tightens his embrace.

Seonghwa’s breath is quick and shallow. He feels suffocated, he feels trapped. 

'Shh, you'll be fine' San says as he caresses his hair gently. ' Just breathe for now, okay? For me.'  
  
Seonghwa seems to be too caught up in his own head to actually listen to him and just kept trying to hide in San's embrace more, grabbing on his clothes and sobbing more.  
  
‘Come on. Breathe.’

It's all too much. Seonghwa feels like he's suffocating, like someone's hand is holding on his throat tightly, like something heavy is crushing his chest, not letting him to take a breath properly. It hurts and only feeds his thoughts that are asking him to do something to make the pain stop.

‘Seonghwa, breathe.’

_But I don’t want to._

Seonghwa shakes his head, refusing to listen to the thoughts gathering in his mind.

He doesn't want this, but it's so hard to breathe. So hard to fight against everything alone. So hard to keep on living like that.

His vision is blurry because of the tears, but he looks at San’s forearm.

‘Breathe’ says San.

[ _Breathe_ ](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a9/31/54/a9315462f23af6418a510db2190ae191.jpg) _,_ says the tattoo below the crook of his elbow.

And Seonghwa finally does.

-

‘You never told me about that tattoo from you’ San says quietly, when the other has calmed down enough to talk. He thought that maybe it’ll distract him for now.

Seonghwa is staring at his own hands, playing with the fingers mindlessly. He still rests against San's chest, snuggling into his embrace. His eyes glance at [ the small flower ‘attached’ to skin with a bandage ](https://www.instagram.com/p/BkFpgDQnlP-/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1bp7amaa1hvm).

‘I- I wanted to thank you this way’ he says and hides himself more in San’s arms, embarrassed. ‘This is what you did to me. You treated my wounds with plants.’

San hums in response, smiling slightly. He’s rocking them both gently from side to side in a calming manner. His cheek rests on the top of the older’s head and he’s stroking his arm gently.

‘I’m glad I did’ he says quietly.

He doesn’t try to make Seonghwa talk more, he doesn’t try to ask him about what happened. They can talk about it in the morning.

-

Seonghwa feels guilty. 

Of course he does. How could he not? He shouldn’t have taken advantage of San like that. But he really didn’t know what to do and the only rational thing that came to his mind was to look for someone, to not stay alone, because something might happen.

Now he’s sitting with a cup of steaming black tea in front of him, waiting for the other to finish doing the dishes after the breakfast. If San practically begging Seonghwa to eat at least some of the oatmeal with soy milk and berries can be counted as breakfast.

Once San sits in front of him with his own cup of tea, Seonghwa shifts uncomfortably. He knows it’s unavoidable after what happened, but the idea of talking about it with someone else than his therapist makes him feel uneasy.

But San deserves to know.

He takes a deep breath.

-

‘Hi, Hongjoong.’

The shorter boy smiled widely at him, already waiting prepared with everything they need.

‘Come on, it’s not going to be that bad’ he chuckles as he watches Seonghwa sit down in front of him with a determined face. He’s always found it kinda cute how nervous the first timers were.

Hongjoong dips the needle in the ink before looking up at Seonghwa. ‘It’s actually less painful than traditional tattooing, and it heals faster too! Besides it’s not a big one, so you don’t have to worry.’

Seonghwa is surprised by the fact that Hongjoong’s presence gives him some kind of comfort, even though it seems logically incorrect to find comfort in person who’s going to stab you with a needle countless times.

Hongjoong snorts at the remark.

It takes less time than Seonghwa expected. Or maybe talking with Hongjoong made the time fly faster. It was nice to listen to his stories. Seonghwa opened up to him a bit, actually talked with him, not only listened. 

He’s proud of himself, he’s going to tell San about it.

Seonghwa stands up and can’t help but smile at the sight. He thanks Hongjoong who, of course, says that it’s nothing and that if he ever needs help, he can count on him. It makes Seonghwa’s heart melt, but he won’t admit it. Well, maybe he will, but not now.

He walks out of the studio and looks at the outer side of his left wrist once again before heading back home.

A small flower under the bandage feels warm.

Everything is alright.

**Author's Note:**

> hi!
> 
> this is my first finished work since............... years actually. and first published one, so-  
> i'm really happy about it and excited to share it with you, guys  
> i hope it was enjoyable! 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/moondvste)  
> 


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